I hate Pixar.
There I said it. I’ve never been enchanted by all the computer animated wonder. Don’t get me wrong, Toy Story is my jam and The Incredibles is pretty great too, but overall I couldn’t care less.
What prompts this? The announcement of the sequel to Finding Nemo, my least favorite Pixar film. This probably stems from an irrational hatred of Dory, the world’s worst navigator.
I can identify with Nemo Sr. because I’m all business, no time for nonsense from a fish that can barely remember her name.I mean c’mon Lady Fish, admit your faults. This guy is on a realistically hopeless mission to save his son that probably would have died in a live action escapade and you’re ruining everything. EVERYTHING I SAY.
Dramatic? Well I never.
And you’re telling me the next one is all about her? No thank you. I’d rather gag myself with a rusty, polio-covered spoon. Let’s be honest, Dory has been mentally lost since she ran into the Titanic or something and suffered major brain damage. And now apparently she’s wandered off and we have to watch a film about an unlikely group of friends who band together to save their optimistic yet mostly not with it companion.
My feelings most likely play off of the fact that for YEARS after the original was released that people kept repeating “just keep swimming” like they were mockingbirds from hell determined to make the rest of us miserable.
Don’t misjudge me and call me a scrooge. I’m a Disney fanatic. I literally believe in magic and happy endings and miracles. I used to dream of being a princess. My happiest place on Earth IS Walt Disney World, specifically the Magic Kingdom.
But Pixar is like the red headed stepchild of Disney. A few gems here and there, but overall a lot of eh. Monsters Inc. is dece, and I’ll probably see Monsters University, but that’s it.
Don’t get me started on Toy Story 3. I cried like three times, and not in the good Disney way. THOSE TOYS LITERALLY ALMOST DIED IN A DEMON HELL FIRE. And then they were passed along to a girl with an overactive imagination who I think had Sid-like tendencies hidden. It’s not real life. Andy should’ve stayed a child. He didn’t need to grow up.
I realize I’m in the one percent of people who aren’t mesmerized my Pixar and I think I’ve finally accepted that.