Dear Floridian Addicts,
This is a public service letter. Now I understand that you’re probably too busy taking synthetic drugs and running around in your birthday suits because your body is boiling internally, but please use one of your brief moments of clarity to read.
Drugs make you feel alive and cool, I get it. Actually, I don’t but for the sake of making a point let’s say I’m totally down with mind altering substances.
They seem so hip and cool. You get to take mental trips to insanity and feel alive, blah blah blah. Aside from killing brain cells and not being a functioning human, there are worst side effects you need to be aware of.
Maybe you don’t have a TV, or you’re too busy in your meth lab to keep up with the news, but lately some users have been taking on zombie characteristics. You know, growling at people, barking, acting generally crazy and OH YEAH eating human faces.
Now I don’t know about you, but when I was just a child with eyes full of hope and candy, I didn’t aspire to grow up and eat flesh. If you did, I apologize, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a hobby most people outside of cannibalistic villages choose. Plus, when you get over the high, it’s a really awkward conversation.
“Uh, sorry brah. Didn’t mean to gnaw on your fingers and face. I guess we all do crazy stuff when we’re high. YOLO!”
Incorrect. Party foul. You’re eating people. Think about that the next time your addiction to consume bath salts and rip off your clothes consumes you. Think about next Christmas when you’re with your family and everyone talks about the crazy cousin who ate some phalanges for fun.
There’s also the chance that you may really love eating people and then we have bigger problems. I feel like that’s one delicacy we should never try.
Please understand how serious I am about this. As much as I would love a zombie apocalypse (because I would be totally BA with some melee weapons), I don’t want to be fighting actual people whacked out on substances.
From all of us up north trying to avoid the war of the living dead, please avoid drugs. At least until they fix the problem.
Bows and Sparkles,